Truths to pass on to my grandson

M&M'S do melt in  your hand.

Everyone can be replaced.

There is no promise of tomorrow.

Your parents know more than they let on.

Elvis is dead.

Everyone eventually pays the piper.

There is no business like show business.

Unexpected kindness is never forgotten.
A good teacher outweighs ten bad ones.

PBS does run commercials.

You will feel absolutely wonderful after you let go.

Small towns are just as important as big cities.

Some music just sucks.

Never pet a strangers dog without first asking permission.

Girls are smarter than boys but boys are smellier.

Fast Food generally taste like $^*+!

It's just as lonely at the bottom.

If Darwin is correct, you could be a monkeys uncle.

Find something you like to do and do it.
What you think will happen usually does.
Fresh paint loves to be touched.
Fresh frosting loves to be poked.
Ronald McDonald is not that funny.
One size does not fit all.
A little cologne goes a long way.
They included  the printed instructions for a reason.
Carny workers often don't have great dental insurance.

You can lead a horse to water but that doesn't make you a leader.

If you lie someone will find out.

People in power are normally not that smart.
Befriending an old person will enrich your life. (especially if they leave you the jewels)
If you are too quick to judge other people it will bite you in the ass.
Friends don't grow on trees but occasionally fall out of them.
Silly songs will stick in your head long after the music stops.
Never volunteer to help a magician.
Don't buy anything from a man standing on your doormat.

It's not always a good idea to skip every where you go.
Between the ages of twelve and twenty-two you will do many dumb things.
Your problems are no match for your neighbors problems.
The bigger they are, the more likely they are to fit.
The gel oozing from a can of spam should tell you something.
A one hump camel looks funny but a two hump camel looks ridiculous.
"Do NOT......." is usually printed or painted on for good reason.
Running from a dog rarely if ever turns out good.
A stack of parking tickets is hard to explain.

At Thanksgiving its better to be a blessing than to be a dressing.
Opening doors for ladies will be noticed.
On a crowded bus always give your seat to a fat lady. Because she may fall on you, in a sudden stop.
If you've been caught once you will be caught again.
Fortune cookie writers rarely receive the Nobel prize in literature.
Mothers are sneakier than you will ever hope to be.
"Please and thank you" are almost always better than..."Move it over fat ass"
It's OK to cry in public just don't make a scene.
Still tongues are not often bitten.

If you can't swim stay out of the water- or at least tie yourself to the dock.
She is always right.
Good things rarely come from yielding a pitchfork at others.
Don't worry. your city council is just as dumb as the other guys city council.
Your father gave up many dreams for you. so don't sass talk him.
Express lanes are no more than slow moving short lines.
If the creep in a greasy comb over looks like a pervert, he probably is.
Happy wife-tolerable life.

Panties, boobies, goobers and boogers are funny words not to be laughed at in public.