I'm Fat

I'm fat. I'm fat. There's no denying that.

Oh I'll admit, I'm more than just a bit unfit - I'm fat.

That's all there is to that.

I simply love to eat.

From Sunday's brunch to Saturday's lunch

It's a pretty good hunch

I'll munch and crunch a bunch too much.

Candy cake and soda pop,

Chips and dips and raisinettes,

Cocoa puffs and peanut butter cups and
French fries super sized, you bet.

Mickey Dees, Taco Bells, drive-thru's preferably.
Because if it's true we are what we eat -
You're looking at Mr. Easy, Fast and Cheap.

Now I'm not proud of my expanded me.

Why I'd get down upon my knee,

(If I could get down upon my knee),
And plead to Sara Lee to set me free!
But what then of the cherry cheesecake jubilee
Or the turkey fricassee or Swiss souffle
Or the beloved bar-b-que'd chicken leg?

Oh woe is me...they say exercise is what I need,
So tonight before I dream,
I'll jog on down to the Krispy Kreme.

Oh set me free from this never ending curse of
Crumb cakes, sponge cakes and silver dollar pancakes.
I piled them high I used a rake
Now look at me, I'm as big as a lake.

Tortellinis, cocktail weenies, sausages by Jimmy Deanie,
Racks of lamb and stacks of ham -
I don't even draw the line at SPAM.

Oh my aching belly.
Just bury me 'neath the corner deli.
I simply love to eat and eat and eat.
But jeez Louise, it's getting so I cannot see
My feet, my feet, my feet.